South Eater
by RabuPep
Summary: Oh, my!  When you take the hilarity of South Park and collide it with the creepy craziness of Soul Eater, hijinks ensue! It's a crack-tastic crossover extravaganza  with a sprinkle of shounen-ai !
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

A/N: Hi, everyone! This is my first published fanfiction, so I'm a little nervous. While there are definitely better authors out there than me, I'm sure that this is better than My Immortal (at least)!

Anyways, this is a crossover between South Park and Soul Eater, because I am completely insane. :D The first two chapters are super short, because they're really just little introductions. Nothing much happens. (Wow, that's great advertisement for my story. xD) This is meant to be silly. I don't care if you find plot holes or whatever, because it's meant for comedy and for the sheer joy of putting these two together.

I do not own any characters or anything at all. Everything belongs to their original owners, unless specified otherwise. This crossover has probably been done before, but I don't know of any. I'm not trying to steal ideas. xD

Rated M 16+ for language and suggestive situations. (There's a little bit of Kenny x Butters and Pip x Damien. Sorry, I can't resist. xD)

Well, I better stop with this author's note. It's getting' to be longer than the actual chapter.

"Seriously, Kenny?"

"DUDE, THAT WAS SWEET!"

"Does this mean we don't have to go to school anymore?"

"Wow, Kenny. I never thought you'd be the person to do that…" The students of South Park Elementary were all lined up outside the school grounds, which were now brimming with ashes. Fourth grader Kenny McCormick was responsible for the school fire, and everyone was either concerned that their classmate was a possible pyromaniac or completely stoked for the possibility of no school for a long time.

Stan Marsh, a friend and classmate of Kenny's, was quite confused as to how this feat was accomplished. "Kenny," he started, "how in the hell did you completely burn down the school?"

Before Kenny could speak, another friend and classmate, Kyle Broflovski, cut in with, "The real question is—WHY the hell did you completely burn down the school? We're gonna be completely behind all the other fourth graders in the world and it'll keep us from college which will make it harder for us to find jobs and—"

"Dude," Stan interrupted, patting his friend on the back, "we were already behind. We never learn anything in that school, remember?" After Kyle let out an annoyed huff, Stan turned back to Kenny. "But seriously, man, Kyle's got a good question. Why DID you burn it?"

"Mmmpth mmmnnth mmnnnph mphhnmm mnph phmmn nmmm!" replied Kenny rather joyfully, muffled by his massive, orange parka.

The boys stared at him stupidly. They couldn't even process the horror of what Kenny had just replied. Nightmares were bound to ensue after hearing Kenny's reasoning.

After a moment or two, Kyle and Stan snapped out of their trance when they heard a terrified shriek.

"GAAAAAAAIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!" screeched the voice.

"Oh God," muttered Kyle. The three boys realized their friend-that-nobody-likes briskly waddling toward their direction. "It's Cartman."

Out of breath, Eric Cartman finally reached the three. "Kenneh…" he breathed in his strange, yet addicting, voice, "YOU ASSHOLE!" Cartman lunged for Kenny and grabbed his neck. Shaking the little poor boy back and forth, he screamed, "AY! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? I HAD A BOX OF CHEESY POOFS IN MAH DESK!"

"Shut up, fatass. You can get more from your house or whatever," said Kyle. Still shaking Kenny by his neck, Cartman pointed his hand at Kyle.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I was GOOOING to EAT those!" Kyle swatted Cartman's hand out of his face as he rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, though, Cartman. Because you lost that precious box of Cheesy Poofs, your mom will buy you even more. 'Sides, don't you realize? We might not have to go to school anymore! And please stop doing that to Kenny. You're gonna give him Shaken Baby Syndrome or something…" Stan interjected.

Cartman ceased the violence and anger. A look of wonder and curiosity spread across his face. "Wh-what…?"

"Your mom will buy you—"

"No! What did you say about skewl?"

"Well, now that it's burned down, we probably won't be going for a while…" Cartman slowly lowered Kenny.

"Sweet!" Cartman then exclaimed as he hugged his friends. "At least we don't have to worry about Kenneh getting arrested—he's too poor for anyone to care!" Three of the four boys laughed as Kenny grumbled.

"Dude, don't be mad! There's no more school!" Stan told Kenny, which caused him to break into giggle-fits as well.

"NO SCHOOL!" The four of them yelled as the student body cheered.

"What? Of course you'll be attending school: it's the law! We just have to find you boys another place to go, is all," Stan's mom explained to the four. Their hearts sank right into the pit of their stomachs. Not only would they still have to go to school, but they would have to adjust to a new one, and, worse yet, LEARN.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: This chapter's a bit short as well. Sorry! The next chapters will be longer, I PROMISE.

As I've said before, nothing belongs to me~~

"Will Maka Albarn and Death the Kid please report to the Death Room? Maka Albarn and Death the Kid to the Death Room, please," announced the loudspeaker.

Maka sighed as she slammed her book shut. She was one of the smartest students at Death Weapon Meister Academy—she was probably being called in for an award in academics.

"Laaaaaame," groaned her weapon partner, Soul Eater Evans, "Not that I'm really keen on awards or certificates or nothing, but I think I should go, too. I mean, a meister's nothing without their weapon."

"Fine, Soul, you can tag along," grumbled Maka as she stood up from her chair. Death the Kid walked over to them, accompanied by his twin pistols, Patty and Liz.

"Maka? I presume that Soul will also come along. Would that be correct?" he asked coolly.

"Damn straight," Soul replied, grinning. He glanced at Patty and Liz. "You guys tagging along?"

"YAAAAY! WE'RE GOIN' TO SEE WHAT'S UP! " Patty exclaimed, followed by uncontrollable laughter from her. Her older sister facepalmed.

"Shhh! Not so loud, Patty! You're going to catch the attention of-" Kid started, but it was too late.

"YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOO!" yelled a voice.

"—Black*Star…" finished Kid, sighing. A young, ambitious-looking boy bounded up to the group followed by a tall, timid girl who barely made a noise as she glided along.

"Sooooo," started the newcomer, rather loudly, "where are we goin' to see what's up?'

"Kid and Maka got called to the Death Room, so we decided to go with them," explained Liz.

"Oh, we are SO going with you! How DARE they call people to the Death Room for something without including ME?" yelled the boy.

"Black*Star, maybe we shouldn't go… Only Kid and Maka were called…" spoke the quiet girl.

Black*Star whipped his head full of blue spikes to face her. "Tsubaki, when they said that, they IMPLIED that I should go, too. It's like when someone says, "Stop!" the "you" is implied, but not said. Seriously."

"Black*Star, I'm not exactly sure that-" started Tsubaki.

"I HAVE SPOKEEEEN!" Black*Star interrupted.

"Can we just go to the Death Room now?" inquired Maka, obviously annoyed.

"What's the matter, Maka? Anxious? Did you get in trouble? Is that why you were called up? And you're anxious because you KNOW it?" Soul responded, taking advantage of his meister's short temper.

"MAKA CHOP!" Maka hit Soul over the head with her giant book. "It's just that the people who want to see us are probably waiting and have been doing so this entire conversation. I'm sure it doesn't matter who goes, so long as Kid and I are there. Now, let's GO!" she said huffily. Before anyone could say anything, do something, or anything could happen that would delay the visit to the Death Room any longer, Maka grabbed Soul by the ear and started out of the room; Kid, Patty, Liz, Black*Star, and Tsubaki following right behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A/N: Hurray! Chapter 3! This one finally has some crossover!

By the way, if you want to know why I don't have everyone at the DWMA speak Japanese or refer to Lord Death as Shinigami-sama, is because they're not it Japan. They are in the fictional city of Death City in the real state of Nevada in the real country of the United Sates, so I presume everyone speaks English. xD

Enjoy!

"Will Maka Albarn and Death the Kid please report to the Death Room? Maka Albarn and Death the Kid to the Death Room, please," announced the loudspeaker.

The DWMA Death Room was much like a principal's office, if your principal was the Grim Reaper himself. Lord Death, as he was normally called, was the founder and headmaster of DWMA, and father of Death the Kid. "My son and one of my best students will give you a tour and show you the ropes!" said Lord Death to the new children. "We normally don't have youngsters as, well, _young_ as yourselves, but we're glad to have more willing students to help stop Kishin creation."

"Okay, Jack Skellington," started Cartmam, "what the hell is a Kishin?"

"Who's Jack Skellington?" Lord Death murmured to himself. "Anyways, a Kishin is a weapon that has consumed countless human souls. Normally, they go mentally insane. What our school strives to do is to only take souls that have turned into Kishin eggs. Basically, we are trying to stop the evil before it happens."

"We're… consuming… souls… at this school…" said Kyle, confused and a little scared.

"Of course~!" replied Lord Death cheerfully. "Well, technically, only the weapons are."

"W-we're playin' with w-weapons? I think m-my parents would holler at me i-if I was playin' with w-weapons…" a timid little blond boy named Butters asked nervously.

"I do agree with Butters. It might be quite dangerous if we partook in actions involving weapons," spoke up another little blond by the name of Pip. Altogether, there were seven transfer students from South Park Elementary, and they were all boys from the fourth grade class.

"No, no, no. You won't be playing with weapons," replied Lord Death. The two little blonds looked relieved. "Some of you will BE the weapons; some of you will be meisters. And you won't be playing. You will be using each other to kill beings with Kishin egg souls and then the weapons will consume them. When a weapon consumes 99 Kishin egg souls and the soul of one witch, they become one of my weapons!"

Pip and Butters nearly fainted. Conversely, a taller, gothic-looking boy named Damien, who had messy black hair, drew up the corners of his mouth into an ecstatic grin. "Sweet," he said evilly.

Suddenly, the door of the Death Room burst open. The seven students that were already students of DWMA filed in.

"I may not be good at math, but that looks like more than two people…" Cartman observed.

"It seems their friends came with them," explained Lord Death. "This," he said while patting Maka on the back with his massive hands, "is my best student, Maka Albarn. She scored the best of all the students on her super written exam—a perfect score."

"Lame, dude! You mean we have to take tests at this school?" complained Stan.

"Why, yes. Of course! That's what normally happens in schools. Anyways, this is my son, Death the Kid," said Lord Death while he patted Kid on the back. "He's a very smart little boy, but he could do better in school if he wasn't so worried about symmetry all the time," explained Lord Death.

"Daaaaaaaaaad…" whined Kid while blushing up a storm.

"Uhh… who are all the rest of them?" asked Kyle as he pointed over to the others.

"I'm Soul—a scythe. Maka over there's my meister," Soul told him. Soul grabbed Kyle's hand and shook it rather violently.

"I'm Liz and this is Patty," clarified Liz as she made a gesture to Patty, who just laughed. "We're Kid's twin pistols and he has two-"

"I AM THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTLY BLACK*STAR!" announced Black*Star. "AND THIS IS MY WEAPON—TSUBAKI!" He made a dramatic motion to his partner. "She's got lots of different weapon modes!" Tsubaki waved gently.

"So wait a minute," started Cartman. "Why, if you are weapons like you suggest, do you…. um… NOT look like weapons?"

"We're in our human forms, duh," Soul said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Can you… transform?" Cartman asked innocently. Kyle shoved him.

"Dude, you can't just ASK someone to transform!" Kyle hissed.

"Dude, yeah, we can totally transform for you. It's not really a big deal," said Soul.

"Well, Kahl, I believe you own me an apology," Cartman said. Kyle just rolled his eyes and ignored him.

"I have an idea. Why don't we find out if any of them are weapons by teaching them how to transform?" suggested Maka.

"Brilliant! Just brilliant! What a smart girl! Go ahead and teach them!" Lord Death applauded.

"Okay, well," Maka walked up to the South Park boys.

"Mmmpth mmph hpphm phmmphmm!" said Kenny. Stan and Kyle looked at him in horror.

"Dude, that's so gross! Why must you say those kinds of things to people's faces?" questioned Stan. Maka looked confused as she couldn't understand what Kenny had said. Kenny only laughed in reply.

"Okay, well, uh…" Maka began. She proceeded to scratch her head vigorously. "Well, actually, I'm not really a weapon, so I don't know _how _to transform…" She glanced over at her weapon. Soul sighed and stepped forward.

"Listen, n00bs," he said, getting right up in all of their faces, "all you gotta do is just… _transform_. I can't really explain it. It's like wiggling your ears." So, the fourth-graders began to try to wiggle the imaginary muscle or tendon or whatever it was that allowed weapons to transform. Suddenly, the seven boys were reduced to four while three weapons clattered to the ground. Screams of fright and maybe even a little excitement emitted from the three on the floor. Soul grinned and picked up the closest weapon and held it out in front of himself. "What's your name, little buddy?" he inquired mischievously.

It was a scythe, much like him, only the design was completely different and it was splattered with dark shades of red and blue. "I'm Stan," replied the scythe. "Woah, dude!" he exclaimed. "My voice sounds wicked awesome!"

"Yeah, you'll get used to that," Soul said, smirking. Maka gave him a little punch on his shoulder.

"There are more important things to think about than useless things like that," Maka scolded. "Now, which one of you four is going to be his meister?"

Kyle's hand went up. "I'll be his meister. We're super best friends, after all," he explained. Soul handed Kyle his weapon.

"…Fuckin' Jew-fag…" Cartman coughed under his breath.

"What did you just say, fatass?" Kyle shouted.

"Oh, me? I didn't say anything. Nothing at aaa~ll," he innocently replied. As convincing as that reply was, Kyle gave him a massive shove. A cry escaped from Cartman.

Maka began to make her way over to the next weapon, but Black*Star beat her to it. He picked up the little whimpering weapon, a British knife-pistol, and looked intently upon it. Fearing that he was being silently judged, the little weapon started to cry. The petite pistol, however, only added to the fuel to fire Black*Star up.

"AWWW, WHAT'S WRONG, LIL' GUY?" he shouted. Tsubaki smiled sweetly at the newbie weapon.

"Black*Star…" she said in a motherly tone, "maybe I should hold him. He seems a little frightened."

"Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay, Tsubaki, jeez! You can stop pestering me. Here," he said as he handed him over to her. She took the little pistol in her delicate arms. Black*Star hovered over and screamed a question at it.

"WASS YER NAME?" he asked loudly. Damien put his hands behind his head and reclined against the nearest wall.

"This. Is. Soooo lame…" he muttered to himself.

"M-my na-name is P-Pip," the weapon finally responded through sniffles and stutters. Damien's ears almost perked up as he jolted out of his boredom. His eyes grew wide and he smiled wide.

"I'll be his master~" Damien said, interjecting an almost-shout from Black*Star. Maka was quick to correct the son of Satan, also interrupting Black*Star.

"It's meister, not master," she told him. Damien allowed his smile to broaden even more.

"Well, I guess I'll have to be his meister, then, too~" More facepalms came from the bunch of students.

"HMMHM HMMHMM HMMHMM~!" shouted Kenny, his words unrecognizable to half of those in the Death Room. Maka's face turned red and she let out a yell that was louder than most of Black*Star's.

"OKAY, JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?" Pip started to cry again but his sobs subsided when Damien took a hold of him from Tsubaki, twirling him around his finger like an old west gun-slinger.

Cartman cleared his throat. "Uhh, miss, if you would stop being such a huge bitch, I would be happy to translate for you," he said in a condescending tone. Maka's already flushed face grew redder and she opened her mouth to retaliate, but Soul slapped his hand over her mouth.

"I've got a better idea~" said Soul as he looked toward the Colorado kids. Maka pushed him away and shot an oh-you-are-SO-going-to-get-it-later-so-you-better-watch-your-back look to Cartman, who was so frightened by it that he stepped back a few paces. Soul stepped in front of Kenny and laid his hands on his head. The orange parka-ed wonder child looked up at Soul and gazed upon his crimson red eyes. Kenny shut his own eyes, bracing himself for pain. In a flash of orange, Soul whipped down the hood of Kenny's parka, revealing a mess of blond hair. Kenny's glossy, blue eyes fluttered open, stunned to learn that he wasn't dead (yet). "Now," cooed Soul, "what did you say?"

Kenny cleared his throat. "Uhh-uh…" He suddenly pointed at Damien and weapon-Pip, yelling, "INNUENDOES INNUENDOES INNUENDOE~~S!" Most of the people in the room stared at him. Black*Star, however, clapped his hands loudly.

"THAT'S MAH BOI!" he shouted. Patty started into fits of laughter and Kid's face captured a look of concern. He turned to Lord Death.

"Father, aren't you going to do anything? This is madness! Totally NOT symmetrical!"

"No, no~ This is too entertaining~ Plus, I don't want to be rude," replied Lord Death.

"Well, I'm going to do something about it," Kid started over to the epitome of craziness, but was blocked by his father's hand.

"I don't want to have my name dishonored by my son, either. You will do what your daddy tells you and that is final," he said. Death the Kid pouted the poutiest pout in the history of forever.

As Maka lunged toward Kenny, her annoyance levels increasing, Black*Star shouted, his ego climbing, and Kyle and Stan retorting every now and again, their freaked-out-ness rising, a small voice perked up.

"Wh-wh-wh-what about m-me?" it whispered. The madness halted as all eyes turned to the source of the sound. A giant, ninja star blade with intricate designs met their gaze. After a moment of dumbfounded staring, Soul finally walked over to the weapon and picked it up. "Just who might you be?" he asked.

"I'm Leopold Stotch, but everyone j-just calls me B-Butters.." it whimpered.

"Dude, yes, this is totally fate! I've gotta be his weapon!" Kenny said excitedly. Maka looked at him, a little confused by the whole "it's totally fate" comment.

"Well, not too long ago, we were playing ninjas with real ninja weapons. I had the ninja stars! What happened was, we got into a fight with Butters and I accidentally got one of my ninja stars stuck in his eye. Heheh!" Kenny explained. Maka and Liz both looked as though they were about to vomit.

Cynically, Liz responded, "Lemme get this straight… You got a ninja star stuck in his eye, and now that he turned out to be a ninja star, you think it's fate that you should be his weapon."

"Yes," said Kenny.

"I don't see anything wrong with that," Stan chimed in.

"Me either," Kyle added.

"Sounds fine to me," Cartman said.

"Right-o," replied Pip.

"It's completely logical," said Damien.

"I-It sounds like f-fate alr-right," Butters tacked on to the end.

"Whaaatever," Liz responded.

"I guess that's fourth grade logic for you," Maka concluded.

"Alright, well, then that settles it!" Lord Death announced. "Stan will be Kyle's weapon, Pip will be Damien's, and Butters shall be Kenny's little ninja star!"

"Ay! Wait wait wait wait waaaaaaait up a sec!" Cartman interjected. "I'm not a kick-ass weapon and I don't have a partner! The fuck am I 'sposed to do?" Even without an emotional face, everyone could tell that Lord Death was a little puzzled.

"Uhh…. Well…. I'm afraid you'll just have to wait until a weapon comes along that you can pair with… Until then… we'll figure it out as we go," he decided. Suddenly, the bell to change classes rang out. "Oh! Time for you children to get to your classes! Soul, Liz, Patty, Black*Star, and Tsubaki, you all go to your next class. New students, I want you to carry your weapon partners and head on over to room 17. There, you will be taught all about life as a student of DWMA and the weapons will learn how to transform back. Maka and Kid, I want you to stay for a second." The children all did as they were instructed. In a few seconds, the Death Room was empty, save for Maka, Death the Kid, and Lord Death. "You two are my best students." Kid rolled his eyes and Maka thanked him. "Now, the reason why these kids are here is because there school burnt down. The little boy in the orange jumpsuit, Kenny, was the one who did it."

"Oh my," Maka responded. Kid was silent.

"Indeed. What I want you two to do is to make sure he doesn't set this school a-blaze. Maybe also find out why he did it. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, sir!" replied Maka. Kid was still silent. Lord Death went face-to-face with his son and repeated his question again, rather loudly.

"Yes, Father…" he finally mumbled.

"Good. Now, both of you, head to class!" Lord Death ushered them both out of the Death Room, and they hurried off.

In a few hallways away from the Death Room, one of the new weapon-meister pairs stopped.

"Yeah, we're not going to that stupid orientation thing," said the meister.

The weapon responded, "But we must learn what they have to teach us!"

"Like what? All they're going to do is explain to us why it's important not to pursue becoming a Kishin and yada yada yada."

"And tell me how to become a human again," added the weapon.

"It's _obvious _that they are just using that to entice us to go."

"Well, how do you suppose that I change back?"

"Try the same thing you did to transform into a weapn, duh." And so, the little weapon wiggled the imaginary muscle and he switched back into flesh and bone. And he was in his meister's arms. His meister squeezed the little weapon's side, allowing a tiny squeal to escape his mouth, and the weapon scurried out of his meister's arms.

"But wouldn't we find ourselves in trouble?" questioned the weapn.

"Who caaaa~~res?"

"I mean, I heard that it cause madness or something…" The meister grabbed his weapon's shoulders.

"It is my job to create madness. That's why I came back from hell," he told his weapon very sternly. The little weapon just nodded as tears formed in his eyes. The meister wrapped his arm around him and tried to make him walk down the hall, but the weapon wouldn't move. The meister sighed. "Would you like me to carry you?"

"I would indeed enjoy that very much so," replied the weapon. The meister swung his tiny weapon into his arms and dashed down the hall.

A/N: Hurray! I finally finished it! :3 This chapter's really long and school eats at my life, which is why it took forever to update. Thank you so much for reviewing and adding to your alerts! I am so happy for all your support!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N: So sorry! I haven't written a chapter in forever! There were problems IRL for a few months, but those are mostly all sorted out now. Thank you so much for all your support with this story, though! I'll try to write more chapters this summer. Anyways, this chapter will be mostly South Park with only a little Soul Eater. Well, enjoy!

The seven fourth graders walked down the dark streets of Death City. The usually laughing sun hung lazily in the sky, not even attempting to stay awake.

"Hey, Damien, where were you and Pip during orientation?" Kenny asked Damien, while nudging his arm playfully and winking.

"Heh, wouldn't _you_ like to know, perv," Damien responded. Pip blushed a bit.

"AAHH!" screamed Cartman in sheer agony. "How much more do we hafta walk until we get there?"

"Shut up, fat ass. It shouldn't be that much longer, anyway," Kyle responded.

"Now, Kahl, I'm getting pretty sick of this right nyeah! You better shut your fucking Jew mouth! We have been walking for HOURS!" Cartman yelled.

"Dude, we've only been walking for five minutes!" Stan interjected.

"I hate you gahs…" Cartman sighed.

"Shouldn't this b-be it r-right here?" Butters stopped and pointed to an apartment building.

"Yeah, I think you're right, Butters," Kyle said as he checked a slip of paper with an address written on it. They all entered the complex and ran up the steps to the top apartment. Kyle whipped out the keys and unlocked the door. A few of the boys gasped in delight as they saw their apartment given to them by the DWMA.

"Jesus Christ, this apartment SUCKS ASS! It's so small!" Cartman complained.

"Woah! There's four whole bedrooms, three full bathrooms, a huge kitchen, and a living room commons thingy place that has a huge TV!" Kenny screamed excitedly as he ran around the apartment, checking every last inch of it.

"O-oh… Only four b-bedrooms?" Butters asked cautiously.

"Yeah, it seems so," Stan said after a look around. "We'll have to double up in three of them."

"I CALL DIBS ON MAH OWN ROOM!" Cartman screamed as he ran into the nearest bedroom, shutting and locking the door.

"Well, I saw _that_ coming… Who should crash with who?" asked Kyle.

"I think we should just go with meister and their weapon in a room," suggested Stan. Kenny's eyes and smirk grew as he slunk over next to Butters and draped his arm around him.

"Means we're officially sleeping together, Butters," he said suggestively. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"I mean, Kenny, I know that's your sort of thing, and your innuendos are pretty funny, but I'm not sure Butters really appreciates it…" Kyle said, trying to make sure Kenny wouldn't get _too _frisky. Butters just tilted his head with a puzzled expression.

"I'm not sure wh-what you mean…" Butters said. Kenny cocked an eyebrow at Kyle with an expression that utterly screamed 'ORLY?' Kyle sighed in irritation at Butter's naivety and dropped the issue.

"Well, Pippers, it looks like we'll be bunking together, too," Damien remarked. "You excited?"

"Well, I guess it may be fun, just as long as we retire at a reasonable time," said Pip.

"Oh, yes, we'll be going to bed as _soon_ as possible~" Damien said. Pip's cheeks turned pink. Kyle sighed an annoyed sigh at these displays of immaturity.

"C'mon, Stan, let's go unpack," he said, a bit pissed. He grabbed Stan's hand and led him into one of the remaining rooms and shut the door. Damien and Kenny looked at each other with expressions on their faces similar to :D.

"And he gets mad at _us_ for innuendos," Kenny said. Damien slyly laughed.

"Pippy, why don't you go unpack? I want to talk to Kenny," said Damien. Pip nodded with a cute smile that nearly sent Damien into hysterics. Then Pip gallivanted off to one of the rooms.

"You too, Butters," said Kenny.

"But, I don't wanna! " he complained.

"Butters, go unpack right now or you are grounded, mister!" Kenny said, imitating Butters's father.

"Y-yes, sir…" Butters answered, defeated, and trudged on over to the last room.

Kenny grinned evilly and said to Damien, "Works every time. So, what did you want to talk about? Did you want to borrow lube or something for you and Pip? Heh heh."

"No, goddammit. Now, enough with the sexual jokes—I need to ask you something," responded Damien, getting a bit irritated. Everyone seemed to notice that Damien always was a little more angry and irritable when Pip wasn't around, and nobody wanted to annoy the son of Satan or else they might not live to tell the tale. Damien's jokes about him and Pip were just jokes, right? He didn't actually like him—he just liked to see him all flustered and embarrassed, correct? Then why would he be affected so much by the little Brit? He was basically just about to use him to become the greatest, evilest, most maniacal, most mischievous kishin EVAR, so Damien just settled on that they were closer because they were now weapon and meister. He had convinced himself of that for the moment, but he neglected to remember that he had really _always_ sort of liked Pip. But, there was no time to dwell on that. It was imperative for him to talk with Kenny.

"Umm… Hellooo~~? Is anybody the~~re?" Kenny asked Damien, while waving his hand in front of his face. Damien slapped it out of the way rather violently when he stopped dwelling on Pip. "You come back from dreamland?"

"Shut up, Kenny. There's more important things that we need to discuss," growled Damien.

"Okay, little _Grump_le-Striltskin. What do you want to know?" asked Kenny, rather mockingly.

"I swear to God, Kenny, I will fucking turn you into a duck-billed platypus again if you keep that up." Kenny's smirk awkwardly shifted into a nervous smile. Damien could almost see the over-the-top anime sweatdrop on his head. "And I just need to know the details of your arsonist ways." Kenny looked confused. Damien sighed and yelled, "Why the fuck did you burn down the school, you ass-ramming hamster fucker?"

"OOooohhh… Well, I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information at this time, sorry," Kenny said cheekily.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Why the fuck do you want to know?"

Damien sighed heavily and said, enraged, "My dad told me to get the information for a couple of deaths involved with the fire or he'll take away my powers for a week." Damien instantly regretted telling Kenny that last part.

"Oh, a powerless Damien, eh? You're not so tough without them. What if I would just not tell you? You wouldn't be able to do anything," said Kenny, testing the waters.

"Yeah, well I have my powers now and I would just kick your sorry ass until you died again."

Kenny laughed. "You won't have to do that because I'm not sadistic like Cartman. I mean, believe me, I enjoy S & M just like any other guy, but I'm not cruel," he said.

"So, then why did you burn down the school?"

Kenny pulled his index finger to his own lips and whispered, "I'm afraid I just can't tell you that." Damien's temper boiled over and his fists became engulfed in flames. Kenny stepped back and took a nervous laugh and said, "Man, Pip must be _really_ sore when you use _those_ fists for fisting." That sent Damien off. He started throwing fire balls left and right in a blind fury.

"I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!" he yelled. Pip heard the commotion and flew out of the bedroom. His facial expression turned to terror, but with a hint of determination. He courageously jumped to Damien's side and grabbed his arm.

"Damien! Damien! Stop, or else you'll ruin this pleasant flat!" Damien turned to him, about to incinerate him to smithereens, but saw the angelic face on the verge of tears looking up at him and he immediately simmered down. His fists returned to normal with a little smoke wafting from them and he panted for a few moments.

"I… I'm sorry, Pippers. Didn't mean to go and upset you," he said to his weapon. Pip smiled. After a few seconds of this bliss, Kenny piped up.

"Oh, okay, so you're worried about this damn apartment, but not about my life?"

"Well, things like that seem to happen to you quite often," Pip responded, still clinging to Damien's black shirt.

Kyle and Stan poked their heads out of their room. Cartman too. Although Cartman seemed scared shitless. Butters dashed out of his room to Kenny's side, ready to protect his meister. Stan broke the awkward silence.

"Whatever Kenny said or did, it did _not_ sparkle with Damien, I'm going to assume," he said.

"Well, whatever happens, I think it's safe to say that this school year will be rather queer," said Pip.

A/N: Woo hoo! Thanks so much for following this story and favoriting it and adding it to your alerts and all that. I'll try my best to write more frequent chapters! Next chapter will have more Soul Eater.


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